two in four, 2016

trigger warning: allusions to sexual abuse. 

“do you know what it’s like?” she asks.
i pause. i have to.
there are so many things i want to say
to the girl
no, the client, in front of me
who is tired and alone
just looking for someone to understand.

i want to say i know how it feels
to wonder if you could have done something
anything differently —
no. stop.
i don’t want this.
but i said those words didn’t i?
it’s all so hazy.

i want to take her hand in mine
and tell her everything
how it happened to me
over. and over. and over.
because how could i know what was happening?
‘don’t you love me’ loops in my head
day after day.

i want to pull her into my arms
and say i know it all to0 well
the pain
the disgust with yourself
and that it’s funny to feel like the filthy one
when you never chose
to play in the dirt.

one in four
one in four
one in four, the books all say.
but there are two of us in this room.
i want to scream
yes i know!!!!!
but it’s not about me.

so i say,
“i’m very sorry this happened to you, i’m here to listen.”
-pe

Continue reading “two in four, 2016”

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baby’s breath, 2016

baby’s breath, 2016

 

how long will it take to convince you
that you are wonderful?
you are perfect.
you are flawed.
but they make you
more human,
more real,
more beautiful.
i will kiss you a thousand times
for every fault you wish to hide.
and when you show up at my door
with flowers that aren’t flowers
i love you so much more
than any man who carries
roses in his hands but
thorns in his heart.

-pe

 

#maybehedoesnthityou, 2016

Maybe his hands are warm and fingers soft

When he caresses every inch of your skin.

Maybe his lips are gentle as they move over yours

And he smiles with every kiss.

 Maybe his embrace makes you feel safe like

The world could never hurt you ever again.

Maybe you love him so deeply, so passionately

He is everything you dreamed in dreams.

Maybe he doesn’t hit you

But he never wants you to leave.

Maybe he loves you but you could

Lose a few pounds

you could look like her.

Maybe you work hard to create a better life

But for him, it’s never hard enough.

Maybe, he says, when you ask

To see friends and family.

Maybe you try to end it for good

But he says you’re a broken toy.

Maybe you walk out

But he convinces you to come back

Over

And Over

And Over.

Maybe you overreacted, you think

And he tells you your being dramatic.

Maybe you’re afraid because who

Else will love you like he does?!

Maybe no one will ever love you again…

They will.

They will.

They. Will.

-PE